I can’t help but write. Not cause I’m great at it. Not because I have a million important things to say, although I do love to talk…but because I ache to write. I want to write. For myself. I’ve always only written for myself…even when I blogged before, I wasn’t publishing big thoughts or inner ramblings – just pictures of my kids and, well, basically just that. Which is fine, of course. I love those babies more than anything. But even when I was blogging “like that”…I was still writing. In dozens of notebooks…in google docs…in Notes on my phone…in word documents, late at night or early in the morning when my head was flooded. It truly does help sort out the mind. I feel lighter, clearer, and…happy. What’s so magical about putting pen to paper? Or fingers to the keyboard? I’m not really sure…but what I do know is that I love it. And while I’ve never had the pull to write a book, or pursue any kind of writing as a career (well, that’s not entirely true)…I just know that I want to keep doing it. It fills my cup, gives me clarity, and it’s just part of who I am. And when I ignore the pull, I’m ignoring a piece of myself.
So, I want to write, to write. And I want to blog to stretch myself. Even if it’s always and only for me. I have no serious agenda, I just want to share myself, being true to who I am, openly offering myself to the world to whomever I can bless.
My world right now consists of five amazing kids, who we’re currently homeschooling. So I’m in a constant state of awe and struggle and excitement and exhaustion. I absolutely love being home with my crew, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. But being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean I do dishes all day long. Oh no, my life is far more fulfilling than that. My life is far from ordinary, but it’s not magical either. And I live in the balance somewhere of being my unique self while mothering my tribe, loving my people, and doing life the way it fits us. So really, that’s what I write about. It’s all over the place, just like life. It’s wild, fun, hard, full of stories of adventure, despair, confusion, hope, love, and a peace that passes understanding weaving a thread through it all.
Every morning I watch the sun rise through the trees. I long for the day I can sit on my porch with my hot tea, soaking in the view of a full sunrise. But for now, this is my view. It’s not perfect, but it’s still glorious. It still fills my soul and reminds me of the promise of a new day. I love this quiet hour, before I hear footsteps running down the stairs, before the to-do lists, before the rush. I want to sit in that moment and not let it go. Not miss it. And that’s why I’m choosing to write. To not miss the chance to put my thoughts down…to understand myself, my family, this world, and my God more. To not let it all pass me by in the name of productivity and busyness. Learning to be still is one of the greatest skills and gifts one can pursue. I will be alone with my thoughts. I will flesh them out. And I will be better for it.
Thank you for letting me share my voice. I just want to share my story, and I want to know yours too.